Grown daughter to wed, but father won't let go

Dear Diane: My father and I always had a very specialrelationship.

I'm 25 now and engaged to a man who is 30. My father hates himwith a passion. He only met "Jerry" a couple of times, and each timehe only pretended to like him.

I tried to get the three of us to talk. Jerry was more thanwilling. I phoned first, but when we got to my father's, hepretended not to be home.

About three months later, my father met someone. She moved in,and now he's talking marriage. This young lady is four monthsyounger than I am. I told my father she wasn't the one he shouldspend the rest of his life with.

Since she's been with my father, things have really changed. Ibought him a card and a bottle of Champagne for his birthday lastmonth, and took him (and her) to breakfast. On my birthday a weeklater, he sent me a sympathy card saying, "God be with you for aslong as you are with Jerry." Now we aren't speaking.

I love my dad very, very much. I also love my fiance. But itseems that Daddy wants me to make a choice, which I refuse to do. DADDY'S (HURT) LITTLE GIRL

Dear D. H. L. G.: So Dad wasn't quite ready to give you up toanother man. Like a jealous lover, he got his revenge by findinghimself a fiancee - and one who is remarkably close to you in age, toboot. You got revenge by parroting his criticism of Jerry when youtalked about "her."

The healthiest ending to this story, presuming you love Jerryand he is good for you, will be at least one wedding (you and Jerry)if not two (dad and "her"). It's time for Daddy's little girl to beall grown up.

Dear Diane: My parents are separated, and when my dad isn'taround, my mom says bad things about him. But when he's around, shetreats him like pie.

What should I do? WORRIED

Dear Worried: Your mom has mixed feelings. Sometimes she feelsvery angry at your dad, and other times she feels friendly.Sometimes she feels both at the same time, and that's as confusing toher as it is to you.

If you can, just listen. You don't have to agree with any ofthe bad things she says.

But if your mom's not too good at listening to what is botheringyou because she's upset about the separation, find another caringadult who will listen. Perhaps a teacher or a relative can help youunderstand your own mixed feelings about the separation - and yourmom's, too.

Dear Diane: I'm writing about the woman who dreamed that twofriends were killed in a plane crash. Your advice was not to tellthem about the dream until after their trip.

I had a dream, too. I dreamed I saw my husband laid out in acoffin. I didn't pay attention because I always heard if you dreamabout one person, your dream really is about someone else.

At the same time, I visited a psychic. In her reading, shesaid: "I don't see a husband." I wish she had been more specific,for I would have taken out some insurance (he had none).

He was killed in a car accident six months after I had my dream. MRS. M.

Dear Mrs. M.: Freud and others have filled volumes with theoriesabout the interpretation of dreams. You believe your dream was apremonition.

But if so, aren't there other things you'd also have donebesides taking out insurance? My sympathies to your husband.

Send your questions to Diane Crowley, Box 3254, Chicago 60654.